The insecurities of the dating mart


By Memory Phiri
phirimemory491@gmail.com

Wort Noting:

  • In Africa we believe that a guy should be older than the lady when it comes to marriage but that is not so in some cases. People now believe that age is just but a number so a lot of guys are marrying older mature women who have established careers and are independent for that matter.
  • This has brought about insecurities whenever they are family reunions because at most times these older women will be ostracized. I am saying step in the name of love, do unto others as you want them to do unto you.
  • That is what the bible tells us so leave these lovebirds alone, stop torturing their love. I find this kind of love so pure and real because it knows no boundaries. Do away with the insecurity of listening to the rumor mill. People say things out of turn so pay a deaf ear to all this and soldier on. Make your parents understand, talk to them and don’t make them mad because you need their blessings for the wedding bells.

Insecurity is the state of being subject to danger or being vulnerable. There are a lot of insecurities involved when we talk about dating or the matters of the heart.  This article ladies and gentleman is here for you to embrace your current situation because it is all about growing a backbone and not to bury your head in the sand.

The diaries of dating are so complicated as a result a lot of couples have found themselves in difficult situations because of peer pressure from friends, family and the society at large. The ball is in your court, there is nothing like being unlucky in love, move away from negativity and ignore the aspect of the fear of the unknown.

Meeting the relatives

It can be deduced that meeting the family of your boyfriend is a big ordeal because you would have hit the jackpot in a manner of speaking. It is not every guy who is so nonchalant about introducing his lady love to the immediate family, please note that most guys hate this phase of the relationship.

This is when most couples break up or when they get serious and get down to business. By business l mean this is when a guy shows his true colors. Insecurity is a very bad feeling because once you get the bug it will aggravate a lot of strain to you and your lover. If a guy refuses to show you even his sister in grade school, then you will definitely start to feel like a lost puppy because you will be fighting to get into the family fold by all means necessary.

There is nothing rewarding than having a sister-in-law who you will confide with in times of those inevitable ups and downs. If you have someone on your side when a lovers tiff or fall out happens you are assured of a shoulder to lean on and you won’t cry yourself to sleep. Also, this relative will act as a mediator who will smooth things out for you. If a guy is running around in circles and is not showing you his family, I urge you to grab the bull by the horns and introduce yourself.

Age difference

This can be a serious offense that has obscured our happily ever after mantra since the beginning of time. You may pass the stage of meeting the family but there are still obstacles ahead in terms of age.

In Africa we believe that a guy should be older than the lady when it comes to marriage but that is not so in some cases. People now believe that age is just but a number so a lot of guys are marrying older mature women who have established careers and are independent for that matter.

This has brought about insecurities whenever they are family reunions because at most times these older women will be ostracized.  I am saying step in the name of love, do unto others as you want them to do unto you.

That is what the bible tells us so leave these lovebirds alone, stop torturing their love. I find this kind of love so pure and real because it knows no boundaries. Do away with the insecurity of listening to the rumor mill. People say things out of turn so pay a deaf ear to all this and soldier on. Make your parents understand, talk to them and don’t make them mad because you need their blessings for the wedding bells.

Social classes

One’s social status or class has triggered trials and tribulations for one to many relationships. Insecurity in this case is on both ends because one between our lovebirds will be poor and the other, rich. Once you are rich don’t look down upon others because life does change and you might find yourself on the other side of the fence.

I feel that material things must not matter much when in comparison to true love because the latter is hard to find by the way. Rich parents are so conceited for they want to keep the old money in the family so they end up looking for life partners for their children who are of the same social status but it does not work that way. It is so unfortunate to be caught up in such a dilemma. The dilemma of dating a rich person will surely bring about insecurities and havoc to a couple.  This is because one will be caught between the two that is love for their partner and the respect for their family name so choosing will be like shooting your own foot.

Rejection

No one wants to be rejected when it comes to these dating diaries. On the contrary everyone wants to fit in to be part and parcel of a relationship. It is not too much to ask because once you are rejected then the insecurities escalate tenfold. Some people are afraid of rejection to the point that they avoid relationships.

Once bitten twice shy. I have seen girls who believe that getting close to someone only brings about more problems in their lives. This is not healthy, it is not a good remedy. They say what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. When a guy dumps you or if some family rejects you, keep your fingers crossed because there is light at the end of the tunnel.

You will surely find your own prince charming because you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet him. All in all, there are a lot of fish in the sea so you just need to dive in and get yours.

Baby mama drama

There are guys who have problems with their exs. It has been proven that they would have been lovers for more than a decade and in some cases they might even have children. This is called the baby mama drama.

These ladies have their claws deep in the guys’ life that it requires a lot of patience to fight them off. They may make your relationship look like a joke because they feel they have an upper hand in the form of their kids such that they wear all this like badges on their shoulders. It is wise to go with the flow if you are the current girlfriend and be nice to these mean ex-zillas and allow the guy to see his child that will make you look like the ideal model mom.

Do not trade insults instead keep a level head. Thus at the end of the day you will win your guy fair and square. I have witnessed the baby mama drama turning ugly and it is not a good thing so risk management is needed at all times in these cases.

 

Totem

There is the funny issue about insecurities in my dating diaries and that is of the totem. In Zimbabwe if you have the same totem then you are not eligible to date. It is more like incest so you will have to move on.

This surpasses superstition dear readers since the guy has to jump ship to forget about his love or else face the wrath of the elders. Once we share a totem then we are considered relatives. This brings about insecurities because when you go for these introductions these are the first questions that you are asked by the elders of the clan or the parents.

It is a conundrum because who gave us these totems to begin with?  Some guy went to the extent of asking me once that “if we share the same totem how come l don’t know you from Adam.” It is sad that every time that you meet a girl or a guy oy your dreams you have to ask them first their totem or even their age as a way to mitigate these problems. There is no love at first sight in this case.

The bride price

It is claustrophobic to live with a guy who has not paid your bride price in Zimbabwe. A guy has to pay your lobola before cohabiting with his loved one. Do not be found wanting or you will have to pay the damages in case of elopement and unplanned pregnancies.

The insecurity without doubt leads to stress since a girl will start feeling like the guy used her but that will not be the case since money is and will always be a scarce commodity. On top of the traditional bride price there is need for a white wedding. A lot of guys in Zimbabwe have since returned these girls to their fathers because of this matter.

This has clouded the marriage institute and most couples have parted ways with hard feelings if l must say. Try to be reasonable as adults and make a payment plan so as to make it possible for couples to live together without shame or any added insecurity.

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